Persiflage: Intelligent Insults
As brutality slowly but surely takes over the US TV and motion picture industries, it is likely to stamp out any memory of the days of civility when a barbed tongue was as effective as an artesian gusher of profanity. This page is a remembrance to those days when men and women sharpened their wits rather than their swords as a defense against friend and enemy. This sort of light-hearted, chit-chatty mockery is known as
persiflage. New witticisms are added to the bottom of the list.
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." |
—Winston Churchill |
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." |
—Winston Churchill |
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." |
—Clarence Darrow |
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." |
—Moses Hadas |
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." |
—Abraham Lincoln |
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." |
—Groucho Marx |
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." |
—Mark Twain |
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." |
—Oscar Wilde |
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play. Bring a friend . . . if you have one." |
—George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill |
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second . . . if there is one." |
—Winston Churchill, in response |
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." |
—Stephen Bishop |
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." |
—John Bright |
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." |
—Irvin S. Cobb |
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." |
—Samuel Johnson |
"He had delusions of adequacy." |
—Walter Kerr |
"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." |
—Jack E. Leonard |
"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." |
—Robert Redford |
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." |
—William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway) |
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" |
—Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner) |
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." |
—Thomas Brackett Reed |
"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them." |
—James Reston (about Richard Nixon) |
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." |
—Charles, Count Talleyrand |
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." |
—Forrest Tucker |
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" |
—Mark Twain |
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." |
—Mae West |
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." |
—Oscar Wilde |
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts...for support rather than illumination." |
—Andrew Lang |
"You, Mr. Wilkes, will die either of the pox or on the gallows." |
—The Earl of Sandwich |
"That depends, my lord, on whether I embrace your mistress or your principles." |
—John Wilkes |
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." |
—Billy Wilder |
"Forgive me for shaking your hand with my left; I eat with the other one." |
—Dr. Goodword |
"As I walk away, please note the mistletoe on my coattail." |
—Dr. Goodword |
(When the death of Calvin Coolidge was announced) "How would they know?" |
—Dorothy Parker |
There is only one thing you mustn't miss when you are in [Philadelphia]—the plane. |
—Anonymous |
If you want me to read your mind, give me more to work with. |
—One of Eric Slinn's coworkers |
He was so narrow-minded, he could look through a keyhole with both eyes. |
—Jeff Abbott (Courtesy of J. Frimpter) |