Sexo islâmico/Islamic sex

[Brazilian dude]

I got this this morning and thought of sharing with you (translation follows the Portuguese text):

Um casal muçulmano, preparando o casamento religioso, visita um Mullah.
O homem pergunta:
- Nós sabemos que é uma tradição no Islã os homens dançarem com homens e mulheres dançarem com mulheres. Mas, em nossa festa de casamento nós gostaríamos de sua permissão para que todos dançassem juntos, inclusive homens com as mulheres.
- Absolutamente, não! - diz o Mullah - É IMORAL.
Homens e mulheres sempre dançam separados. Definitivamente, não!
- Então após a cerimônia eu não posso dançar nem com minha própria esposa?
- Não,- respondeu o Mullah - dançar com mulher é, e sempre será, proibido no Islã.
- Está bem - diz o homem.
- Bem, e quanto a sexo? Podemos finalmente fazer sexo?
- É claro! - responde o Mullah. Alá é grande!
No Islã, o sexo é bom, dentro do casamento, para ter filhos!
- E quanto a posições diferentes? - pergunta o homem.
- Alá é grande! Sem problemas! - diz o Mullah.
- E mulher por cima? - o homem pergunta.
- Claro! - diz o Mullah. Alá é grande. Pode fazer!
- De quatro?
- Claro! Alá é grande!
- Na mesa da cozinha?
- Sim, sim! Alá é grande!
- Posso fazê-lo, então, com todas as minhas quatro esposas juntas, em colchões de borracha, com uma garrafa de óleo quente, vibradores, chantilly, acessórios de couro, pote de mel e vídeos pornográficos?
- Você pode, é claro. Alá é grande!!
- Podemos fazer de pé?
- Nããããããããoooooo! Nunca! Nãããããããoooo de jeito nenhum! Diz o Mullah.
- E por que não? - Pergunta o homem surpreso.
- Porque vocês poderiam se entusiasmar e acabar dançando !

Translation:

A Muslim couple, preparing their religious wedding, visit a mullah:
The man asks:
-We know that it's a tradition in Islam for men to dance with men and women to dance with women. But at our wedding ceremony we would like to ask for your permission to dance together, even men with women.
- Absolutely NOT! - says the mullah. IT'S IMMORAL!
- Then after the ceremony I can't dance even with my wife?
- No, answered the mullah - to dance with women is, and will always be, forbidden in Islam.
- All right, says the man.
- And, what about sex? Can we at last have sex?
- Of course, answers the mullah. Alah is great. In Islam, sex is great, in the marriage, to have kids.
- And what about different positions? - asks the man.
- Alah is great. No problem, answers the mullah.
- And woman on top? - the man asks.
- Sure. Alah is great. You can do that.
- And on all fours?
- On the kitchen table?
- Yes, yes. Alah is great!
- May I do it, then, with all my four wives together, on rubber mattresses, with a bottle of hot oil, vibrators, whipped cream, leather strap-ons, a honey pot and porn movies?
- Of course you can. Alah is great.
- Can we do it on all fours?
- Sure! Alah is great.
- Can we do it standing?
- Nooooooooooo! Never. Under no circumstances - says the mullah.
- And why not? - asks the man surprised.
- Because you could get carried aways and wind up dancing.

Brazilian dude

[Stargzer]

Hah! The long version of the old joke about Baptists!

[Andrew Dalby]

Hah! The long version of the old joke about Baptists!

But not as long as it ought to have been. BD left one of the best bits out of the English translation. He might provide the missing words if we ask him nicely ...

[Brazilian dude]

Did I really? I thought I had translated everything.

Brazilian dude

[Brazilian dude]

I really did :

- Posso fazê-lo, então, com todas as minhas quatro esposas juntas, em colchões de borracha, com uma garrafa de óleo quente, vibradores, chantilly, acessórios de couro, pote de mel e vídeos pornográficos?

- May I do it, then, with all my four wives together, on rubber mattresses, with a bottle of hot oil, vibrators, whipped cream, leather strap-ons, a honey pot and porn movies?

Brazilian dude

P.S. I've also edited the original translation.

[Stargzer]

After Andrew's note I got the gist of it from Systranet before I saw the last post.

Just as good, probably a bit better, with the addition.

Back in ancient times there was a computer game called The Leather Goddesses of Phobos, set on Mars. It had a "Boss Key" you could hit to replace the game text (it was a text-based RPG) with a spreadsheet so you could look like you were doing work. Unfortunately, some of the items on the spread sheet were Rubber Sheets and Sheep . . .