Random Wordplay
A DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN
Argument (ar • gyou • ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, and continues until he realizes it.
Airhead (er • head) n. An act you put on when pulled over for speeding.
Bar-be-que (bar • bi • Q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up for the dinner he made for his friends."
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes short enough for men to understand.
Cantaloupe (kant • e • lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.
Clothes dryer (kloze dri • yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet soda (dy • it so • da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Diamond (die-uh-mun) n. Something you think should be on your finger but he can only see in a baseball park.
Eternity (e • ter • ni • tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise (ex • er • siz) v. Walking up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery list (grow • ser • ee list) n What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Hair dresser (hare dres • er) n. A magician who creates a hair style you can never duplicate.
Hardware store (hard • war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space: once he goes in, he isn't coming out any time soon.
Housework (haws • wrk) n. Work around the house including moping and washing dishes.
Childbirth (child • brth) n. You go through 36 hours of contractions. He holds your hand and says, "focus...breathe...push...."
Lipstick (lip • stik) n. On your lips, a color to enhance your beauty of your mouth. On his collar, a color only a tramp would wear.
Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning "a place with a swing set and slide".
Patience (pa • shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."
Waterproof mascara (wah • tr • pruf mas • kar • ah) n. Mascara that comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but not when you try to remove it.
Valentine's Day (val • en • tinez dae) n. A day when you dream of a candle light dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
Author: Unknown / Contributor: John Masher
Instructions
| If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children"!! |
| Author: Unknown / Contributor: John Masher |
Sayings
Home is where you hang your @
The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail
A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.
The modem is the message.
Too many clicks spoil the browse.
The geek shall inherit the earth.
A chat has nine lives.
Don't byte off more than you can view.
Fax is stranger than fiction.
What boots up must come down.
Virtual reality is its own reward.
There's no place like http://www.home.com
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.
Author: Unknown / Contributor: Susan Lister
