Limericks by Anthony Bowden
| There was a young vicar called Herman, |
| Who came here to preach his first sermon; |
| He failed to enthuse |
| The folk in the pews, |
| Because he could only speak German. |
| The Mad Hatter said to the Hare: |
| "I think someone's taken my chair". |
| Said Alice: "I see-- |
| And who might that be?" |
| "Myself", said the Hatter, "so there!" |
| There was an old mathematician, |
| Who had a profound intuition; |
| A smart operation |
| Called multiplication |
| Would speed up the task of addition. |
| There was a young girl called Felicity |
| Whose body gave off electricity; |
| It produced enough wattage |
| To power her cottage, |
| And earned her a lot of publicity. |
| When Jesus turned water to wine, |
| The crowd thought it tasted just fine. |
| A rich connoisseur |
| Remarked with hauteur: |
| "It's vintage BC 29!" |
| There was an American resident |
| Who'd long had a wish to be President, |
| But the modest amount |
| In his savings account |
| Was probably why he felt hesitant. |
| I once heard a wise observation |
| On how to improve education: |
| If children have ardour, |
| They'll want to try harder-- |
| They just need enough aspiration. |
| A bright undergraduate's query |
| About relativity theory |
| Was met with a dry |
| Professorial sigh: |
| "Just study your lecture notes, dearie". |
| A funeral rite was progressing, |
| And the priest was pronouncing his blessing, |
| When the coffin lid rose, |
| The worshippers froze, |
| And a voice cried: "I'm dead? How distressing!" |
| There was a composer called Handel, |
| Who said to a rival: "You vandal! |
| You've arranged my Messiah |
| For an all-female choir-- |
| I think it's an absolute scandal!" |
| "In Britain", said Julius Caesar, |
| "I faced the odd tactical teaser. |
| One tribe gave me grief, |
| So I captured their chief |
| And slaughtered the stubborn old geezer". |
| The newspaper headline said "Shame! |
| Loose morals of Queen are to blame!" |
| It intended to slate |
| Not our dear Head of State, |
| But the well-known rock band of that name. |
© Anthony Bowden. Reprinted by permission
